Alternate Season 4
by Rosa Atrus
Summary: This is an alternate version of season 4. What would have happened if Gibbs hadn't left for Mexico?


_Thanks to Pandora of Ithilien for being my beta reader on this fic. She was the one to push for this idea as well._

_I know that I haven't given it a proper title as of now, but when I think up a suitable one, I will._

_Disclaimer: I don't own the NCIS characters. If I did I probably wouldn't be writing fanfiction!_

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I hold it true, whate'er befall;  
I feel it, when I sorrow most;  
'Tis better to have loved and lost  
Than never to have loved at all. – Alfred Tennyson

Sometimes love has a habit of making you wish you hadn't loved at all. It would most likely hurt less that way. But then you remember that feeling of pure happiness. The one that seeps through every bone in your body, through every fiber of your being. And you realize that you would take all the pain in the world, if it meant that you needn't let go of that feeling.

It's sad isn't it, the way this priceless feeling can be the path to endless happiness, but one wrong turn and it can lead to painful sorrow.

Jenny Shepard lay in bed thinking of what had turned out to be one of the worst days of her life. Her thoughts in particular were on one man. A man who she trusted like no one else. A man who she held in the highest regard. A man who, that very day, had decided to quit.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Gibbs. Jethro. Marine, sniper, the best agent NCIS has ever known. Father, husband , brother and friend. He infuriated her in a way that made her want to shoot him. But half way through their argument, she would see the small smirk at the corner of his mouth. Though this angered her to no end, a large part of her warmed at the thought that she could still put a smile on his face. Of course, it wasn't like they ever remembered what it was they were arguing about. They just did it to see the passion surface in the other's eyes.

In the reality of things, they never should have made it together. They were too different and too much alike at the same time. They were both as stubborn as the other and equally passionate about their jobs. They were private about their lives and their pasts made them cautious about their future. They had both suffered big losses that made them careful with their trust. But they had let go once. They had let each other in. They became closer than either had thought possible. They had had placed their hearts in the other's hands.

'_Of course, I just had to crush it'_ Jenny thought bitterly. Leaving him seven years ago, she counted as one of her biggest regrets. She had thrown away the best thing in their lives and ended up hurting both of them in the process. She knew that she had to stop him from leaving somehow. She could still see Abby's tear streaked face as a part of her family broke away. Ziva had been more devastated than she had let on. Jenny knew that Ziva had come to think of Gibbs and herself as her parental figures. Jimmy and Timmy had both looked shocked; like they wanted someone to wake them up from what they hoped was just a dream. But the one face that had scared Jenny was Tony's. He had looked lost. Like Gibbs, Jenny had complete faith in Tony's abilities. But the look on Tony's face had reminded her that he would be new to a lot of responsibilities. That all of his experience would not have prepared him for what she was about to throw him into. And that terrified her.

For the first time that day, she finally felt panic set in. Her mind was moving too fast for her to catch up to.

"Jenny?" she was startled out of her thoughts. Looking at the cell phone in her hands, she realized that in her panic she had unconsciously dialed his number.

"_Jenny? Is everything ok_?"The concern in his voice made her want to tell him everything she was feeling. She wanted to ask him to stay. But she couldn't. She understood where he came from and a part of her even agreed with him. Which was why she wouldn't ask, not just because she was scared of loosing herself in the months to come.

"Everything's fine Jehtro. Just wondering if you needed someone to drive you to the airport?" she knew he would probably go to Mexico. It's where Franks had gone.

"_Ducky offered to drop me off."_

"Oh. Ok." She had hoped to see him once more. That wouldn't be possible now.

"_Yeah. Are you sure-"_

"I'm fine Jethro. Really. I just needed to tell you something before I chickened out."

" _Tell me-"_

"That it has been an honor to work with you. That if it weren't for you I wouldn't be where I am. That apart from Daddy and Ziva, you have been the one person who has always had my back. To thank you for all of this. Thank you. And don't worry too much. I'll keep an eye on all of them. Goodbye Jethro."She cut the line, not waiting for a response. Jenny Shepard then did what she rarely let herself do. She buried her head into her pillow and cried.

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_Please review._


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